I’m Crying Right Now

This was originally posted to my old blog on September 29,2014

It is interesting how you can live for so long believing something because a professional told you it was so.  Since 2007, I have believed that I had poor circulation in my legs because a doctor diagnosed it as such.  Today I found out that the circulation in both legs is “normal”.  But that is just the good news before the devastating…

I have lived since 2007 with excruciating pain in both legs whenever I do any physical activity.  After I was diagnosed with poor circulation that year, I lost my health insurance.  When I got health insurance again in 2013 I began a journey of getting all my health issues fixed.  Type I diabetes + no health insurance = bad complications, and a lot of them.

It took several months and changing my primary doctor before I could get the leg pain issue looked at.  Two weeks ago I had an ultrasound done on both my legs to check for circulation issues.  Today I had an appointment to get those results.

The doctor told me that the results show that the circulation in both legs is normal.

“So this means all of my pain is from neuropathy?”

“Yes.”

“I’m shocked.”

“Why?”

“Because all these years I thought it was poor circulation.  And also, because now there is no hope that the pain will go away.”

“I’m sorry, but there is not much that can be done about this pain.  The Gabapentin should help a little, but it won’t help all of the pain.  And keeping your blood-sugars under control and eating healthy is very important.”

I almost started crying right there in front of him. “The pain is excruciating, and I have to walk so much.  I walk all over town, I have to walk all day at work, I try to exercise for good health.”  I looked up at him.  “I cry everyday because of the pain, and now I know there’s nothing I can ever do about it.”

“I’m sorry.  But the good circulation is a very good sign.”  He tried futilely to cheer me up.

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Author: Tamra K. Garcia

Stephen King says to "Write what you know." I know diabetes, I know me; so this is what I write about.

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