This was originally posted to my old blog on August 1, 2014
I can’t stand to look at myself anymore. I avoid the mirror. I only leave the house when I have to. I even took advantage of a long medical leave just so I didn’t have to go to work and be seen in public. I have become a freak.
Not that I ever was very attractive, but now I am so monstrous.
I am scarred, but at least those I can hide for the most part. It’s my right eye, my face that shames me so these days. I’ve always struggled with acne and bushy eyebrows. Those things I could deal with. But now there is no hiding an eye that looks like it’s been cursed by some terrible evil entity. Mismatched, shrunken looking, droopy eyelid, and darkened. I look in the mirror and shrink away from the ugliness that used to be the attractive thing I had going for me.
I know, I know. I am being shallow and vain. I can’t help it, it’s like all the ugliness I hid inside is now splattered across my face for all to see.
Will it go away? Will I heal from this? There’s no doubt I will to some extent, but I’m not sure I will ever look the same again.