What Have I Done?!

This was originally posted to my old blog on September 30, 2014

It was a difficult decision.  I spent a day and a half thinking of little more than this topic.  I weighed my options, made a list of pros and cons.  In the end I decided to leave my job.

Why?  There are two main reasons:

1. My health is in very poor condition right now.  I am almost completely blind in my right eye and my left eye is not perfect.  I have neuropathy that puts me in excruciating pain whenever I am active and my job is very active, so the entire time I am there (8 hour shifts), I am fighting the need to burst into tears and just plop on the floor and not move.  Up until the diagnosis of neuropathy I had thought the pain was being caused by something much more treatable, so the thought of an end in sight was what was keeping me going and able to deal with the pain.  Now I know the prospect of a “cure” for the pain is minimal and if I do find relief, it won’t be any time soon enough, so the thought of going to work right now is outright misery.  I have many other health issues as well (heart disease, Type I diabetes, frozen shoulder…).  I also have at least one doctor appointment per week.  So work is not just agony but I miss a lot as well for doctor appointments, medical leave to recover from surgeries, etc.  I decided that it wasn’t fair to my employer, as well as destructive to my health and well-being, to stay.

2. I have limited transportation.  We only have one car and my husband uses it.  I can’t drive right now anyway because of my poor eyesight.  My work is in the next town over so there is absolutely no way I can walk there.  I can’t walk a quarter of a block without powerful pain anyway.  I used to have several friends who could and did give me rides to work, but in the last six months or so they all have had drastic changes in availability, so now I have very limited help with rides. I prefer having several people to go to so I am not inconveniencing one person by asking them for rides everyday. But beggars can’t be choosers. There is public transportation in my town but it is very unreliable and I learned a long time ago that it can’t be trusted.

So these and other lesser reasons are why I called my work today and said goodbye.

By no means is this a good thing and here’s why:

1. We need the money.  We have bills to pay just like everyone else, and money is even tighter now because one of our roommates is moving out.  If we don’t find a new roommate soon, and/or I get a new job, things are gonna get bad fast.

2. I like working for the most part. I have always enjoyed being self sufficient, independent, busy, and having money to pay bills and have fun with.  I’ve always felt the need and desire to pull my own weight, pay my portion, and not be a burden or mooch.

I am already looking for new work close to home so I can walk a short distance (or ride a bike) and not have to worry if I can’t find a ride.  If I can find a job close to home and that doesn’t require a lot of running around, then that would be ideal. The idea is to not experience much pain, and to not have to worry about how I’m getting to work and back.

Here’s to hoping everything works out.

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