A Love/Hate Relationship

Today the topic for Diabetes Blog Week is to document what we eat in one day. A good or bad day, it doesn’t matter, no judging. I decided to take it one step to the side and talk about my relationship with food.  Why?  Because most diabetics have a rocky relationship with food and find it an emotional experience to eat, sometimes.

For me it truly is a love/hate relationship. I love food, it tastes so good.  I love to cook as well, so this just adds to my constant proximity to the good stuff. But I hate what food does to me. I hate the constant threat to my health, I hate having to always be aware of what is in my food and what the portion sizes are.  I hate having to constantly know what my blood sugar is and having to calculate carbs, insulin doses, time, etc. I hate how simple it is for everyone else.

For them it’s:

“Do I want this donut? Sure!”

For me it’s:

“Do I want this donut? Yes, but, how many carbs are in it? What’s my current blood sugar? How many units of insulin do I need to bolus to counter the potential high? Is this really worth it?”

So what do I eat in a day? I have to admit that lately it’s been a bit up in the air. But I’ll give you a rundown of what should be, and what is a not so good day.

Breakfast – On a good day I fix myself something with lot’s of protein like eggs. Carbs are the devil for a diabetic, so I avoid them with a passion, and it works real well to control my blood sugar. On a bad day I skip breakfast altogether. I find it very difficult to eat breakfast. In the mornings I usually have zero appetite so the thought of eating just doesn’t appeal to me. I have found that as soon as I eat, my appetite kicks in and as the day goes on it just gets stronger and stronger and that’s one reason I go off track.  So if I don’t eat, I won’t overeat. Perfect logic there, yall *sarcasm*.  On the other side of a bad day is the rare day that I wake up hungry and start my day with, say, a plate full of French toast.  Those are real bad days.

Snacks – I avoid snacks as best I can. Snacking throws off my blood sugar balance. There are really only two reasons I would snack, 1. I give into temptation and snack (gorge) on something terrible, like chocolate candy. 2. My blood sugar is low and I choose something yummy instead of the glucose tablets I usually use to treat lows. I have the inability to eat sparingly, so snacking is just opening the floodgates for me.

Drinks – I tend to drink a lot of Diet Dr. Pepper, it’s my favorite. I drink a lot of fresh water, and I like tea as well; unsweetened, just straight tea.

Lunch – Lunch is actually my best meal of the day, usually. A good lunch is a salad. For me a salad usually consists of romaine lettuce, cucumber and/or mushrooms, cheese, herbs and spices, and a bit of olive or vegetable oil as dressing. I just love it! On a bad day I skip the veggies and go straight to the bread and make a sandwich. It’s very rare that I skip lunch altogether.

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Salmon, zucchini, and a baby red

Dinner – I try to keep dinner small but healthy. I usually whip up something with meat and lots of veggies. Salmon with zucchini and lots of herbs and spices is a good example, maybe with a small potato. On a bad day we might order a pizza or go to a restaurant. For me eating out isn’t a good thing because I lose all hold on good nutrition and blood sugar control. I usually order what sounds yummy and not what’s healthy.

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Dipped strawberries

Dessert – This is usually a very bad thing.  I love sugar-free pudding, and I love fresh fruit, but that’s not what we usually have if we eat dessert. No, we go for the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, or pastries.  This is where I really go to all hell with food control.  There just isn’t any self-control left in me by this time of day, so if there’s dessert, it’s ALL in my tummy.  Bad, bad, bad!

So, I love the taste of food, but I hate everything else about it. I hate what it’s attached to, I hate that it is a constant reminder of my disease. I hate that it makes me feel restricted, even though I’m not, really.  I hate it!…But I love it so much!

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Author: Tamra K. Garcia

Stephen King says to "Write what you know." I know diabetes, I know me; so this is what I write about.

3 thoughts on “A Love/Hate Relationship”

  1. Oh my Lord, I’m only type 2 but I relate to everything you said Tammy and I recently did a film interview on living with diabetes and on being asked ” how often do you think about diabetes in a day”?
    My answer as would be the same as yours” all day, I never stop thinking about it all day”
    I shall now follow your example and give an honest account of what I eat in a day, like today

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  2. An excellent point. Food certainly is a love hate relationship for a diabetic, and it always plagues my thoughts. Its also pretty difficult to keep control at cafes when you are given huge serving sizes, or big ice cream cups. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. I am a type 2 who let it all go to pieces and I refused to believe I couldn’t eat what I wanted. Now I am out of control and trying to reign in the scattered pieces of my life. I don’t want complications or to die and it is getting worse. My fasting sugars are fine, the problem is once I start to eat.

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