A Love/Hate Relationship

Today the topic for Diabetes Blog Week is to document what we eat in one day. A good or bad day, it doesn’t matter, no judging. I decided to take it one step to the side and talk about my relationship with food.  Why?  Because most diabetics have a rocky relationship with food and find it an emotional experience to eat, sometimes.

For me it truly is a love/hate relationship. I love food, it tastes so good.  I love to cook as well, so this just adds to my constant proximity to the good stuff. But I hate what food does to me. I hate the constant threat to my health, I hate having to always be aware of what is in my food and what the portion sizes are.  I hate having to constantly know what my blood sugar is and having to calculate carbs, insulin doses, time, etc. I hate how simple it is for everyone else.

For them it’s:

“Do I want this donut? Sure!”

For me it’s:

“Do I want this donut? Yes, but, how many carbs are in it? What’s my current blood sugar? How many units of insulin do I need to bolus to counter the potential high? Is this really worth it?”

So what do I eat in a day? I have to admit that lately it’s been a bit up in the air. But I’ll give you a rundown of what should be, and what is a not so good day.

Breakfast – On a good day I fix myself something with lot’s of protein like eggs. Carbs are the devil for a diabetic, so I avoid them with a passion, and it works real well to control my blood sugar. On a bad day I skip breakfast altogether. I find it very difficult to eat breakfast. In the mornings I usually have zero appetite so the thought of eating just doesn’t appeal to me. I have found that as soon as I eat, my appetite kicks in and as the day goes on it just gets stronger and stronger and that’s one reason I go off track.  So if I don’t eat, I won’t overeat. Perfect logic there, yall *sarcasm*.  On the other side of a bad day is the rare day that I wake up hungry and start my day with, say, a plate full of French toast.  Those are real bad days.

Snacks – I avoid snacks as best I can. Snacking throws off my blood sugar balance. There are really only two reasons I would snack, 1. I give into temptation and snack (gorge) on something terrible, like chocolate candy. 2. My blood sugar is low and I choose something yummy instead of the glucose tablets I usually use to treat lows. I have the inability to eat sparingly, so snacking is just opening the floodgates for me.

Drinks – I tend to drink a lot of Diet Dr. Pepper, it’s my favorite. I drink a lot of fresh water, and I like tea as well; unsweetened, just straight tea.

Lunch – Lunch is actually my best meal of the day, usually. A good lunch is a salad. For me a salad usually consists of romaine lettuce, cucumber and/or mushrooms, cheese, herbs and spices, and a bit of olive or vegetable oil as dressing. I just love it! On a bad day I skip the veggies and go straight to the bread and make a sandwich. It’s very rare that I skip lunch altogether.

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Salmon, zucchini, and a baby red

Dinner – I try to keep dinner small but healthy. I usually whip up something with meat and lots of veggies. Salmon with zucchini and lots of herbs and spices is a good example, maybe with a small potato. On a bad day we might order a pizza or go to a restaurant. For me eating out isn’t a good thing because I lose all hold on good nutrition and blood sugar control. I usually order what sounds yummy and not what’s healthy.

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Dipped strawberries

Dessert – This is usually a very bad thing.  I love sugar-free pudding, and I love fresh fruit, but that’s not what we usually have if we eat dessert. No, we go for the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, or pastries.  This is where I really go to all hell with food control.  There just isn’t any self-control left in me by this time of day, so if there’s dessert, it’s ALL in my tummy.  Bad, bad, bad!

So, I love the taste of food, but I hate everything else about it. I hate what it’s attached to, I hate that it is a constant reminder of my disease. I hate that it makes me feel restricted, even though I’m not, really.  I hate it!…But I love it so much!


3 thoughts on “A Love/Hate Relationship”

  1. Oh my Lord, I’m only type 2 but I relate to everything you said Tammy and I recently did a film interview on living with diabetes and on being asked ” how often do you think about diabetes in a day”?
    My answer as would be the same as yours” all day, I never stop thinking about it all day”
    I shall now follow your example and give an honest account of what I eat in a day, like today


  2. An excellent point. Food certainly is a love hate relationship for a diabetic, and it always plagues my thoughts. Its also pretty difficult to keep control at cafes when you are given huge serving sizes, or big ice cream cups. Thanks for sharing.


  3. I am a type 2 who let it all go to pieces and I refused to believe I couldn’t eat what I wanted. Now I am out of control and trying to reign in the scattered pieces of my life. I don’t want complications or to die and it is getting worse. My fasting sugars are fine, the problem is once I start to eat.


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