Everybody worries sometimes. Some people worry all the time. There are many different types of worrying and worriers. I can identify many different types of diabetes worry I entertain at different times for different reasons. One thing I can say is that worrying never got me anywhere good.
I fully understand these worries are mostly irrational. But they do hold truth. But I rarely dwell on them or stress over them…but they are always in the back of my mind. Especially now days when I have so many health problems and my BG control is more important than ever. My health is so fragile, balance is so important to keep things from spilling over the edge and into hell.
The early hypo worry – This is really the anti-worry. I am hypo unaware… at least until I hit the mid to low 50’s, then I start to feel a bit low. At this point I hit the “I don’t care about anything, I’ll just ignore it and take a nap.” brain fog. I really have to pull myself into caring and getting up and eating. Because, you know, it’s truly care or die.
Then there’s the mid hypo panic – If I don’t get up and eat then I just keep dropping and then I slide into the panic, sob, worry about everything that doesn’t even matter right now, total mess.
Then there’s the worry too much about going low so you over eat or under bolus or both and end up sky high and so you worry about that and everything that can come from it, and life just spirals out of control for the rest of the day and into the next day…Yeah…
Then there’s the worry about running out of insulin so you try to stock up but get turned down by your pharmacy because it’s “too soon” and you proceed to cuss and get really pissed about “Don’t they understand this is how I stay alive?!” But really you don’t need that much insulin right now…you’re just worrying too much.
Then there’s the worry about what your BG is right at this very moment because you feel high but don’t think you are because you just checked like five minutes ago and were normal. What the heck, body?
Then there’s the worry’s when getting ready to leave for the day – Got my spare insulin and syringe in case I have pump trouble or accidentally yank out my line? Got my glucose tabs? Got my ice packs? What if they melt too soon? Got my meter? Got all the paraphernalia? Got the kitchen sink?………………….
ALL THE WORRIES – Is my meter working right? Were my hands clean? Did I bolus correctly? Did I over bolus? Is the battery in my pump OK? Why do I feel this way? Am I high? Am I low? How many carbs are in that? Is it worth eating? Am I drinking enough water? When’s my next doctor appointment? …
And the one that always gets to me when diabetes is really being a jerk –
“Am I going to wake up in the morning?”
Life was so much less stressful when I didn’t give a shit about my diabetes and health…
Sorry for the downer post, I’m just feeling the weight of it all today. My heart test came back good, but the gastric emptying test came back positive for gastroparesis (I already knew I have it, but the set in stone confirmation just depressed me).