My day didn’t start out too awesome. I awoke to a text from my mom. My step-father passed away at 12:30 this morning.
I immediately called Mom. She sounded tired, stressed, and in shock. She insisted I not come to her, that she was just taking care of things, other family was already with her, and she was OK. I knew darn well she wasn’t OK. I insisted she call me if she needed anything.
The rest of the morning I felt a kind of discombobulation. I suppose I was in shock as well.
Dad’s death was not an unexpected event. But still, you just are never prepared to lose someone so close.
Today group therapy was the second coping class as well as my final day of group. The lesson for today was on how to set goals and be able to follow through to success.
I was called out half way through class in order to meet with a psychiatrist about going on anxiety medication. I told her about my past when I was living in certain arrangements that had led me to have a nervous breakdown and almost attempt suicide. I went on to explain that very soon I will be moving back into those very same living arrangements for awhile. I am doing this for very good reasons and have put a lot of thought into it, but I am afraid it will send me back into the same breakdown again.
The doctor went ahead a prescribed an anxiety medication, but told me to take it sparingly because it can be addicting. She also said she wanted to consider raising the dose of my Cymbalta (I take it for neuropathy, but it is a depression medication) because it helps to prevent anxiety rather than taking the anxiety medication that just treats the symptoms.
I returned to the group just in time to end the class. I’m fine with missing it, they weren’t teaching anything I don’t already know.
After class we moved on to art. I colored as usual. I chatted, too.
Again I was called away. This time to talk about ongoing care, fill out discharge papers, and be given an anti-depression kit gift. It was a cute box, hand-painted by the recreational therapist. It had inside it a few trinkets to help me smile and cope.
Group therapy was extremely helpful, but I am glad it is over…because…you know…social anxiety.