With all my raving about finally losing weight and being so super happy about it I’ve actually gotten some looks and responses from people who seem to assume I only want to lose weight because I’m ashamed of my body as it is. They couldn’t be more wrong.
I’m the farthest you’ll ever get from a fat-shamer.
But from their responses I have come to the decision to set the record straight.
I couldn’t care any less about what people think about me or how I look. I’ve never cared about other’s opinion of me. I live for me and only me. I live for truth and reality.
*Yes, I have had moments of feeling ‘ugly’ and ‘undesirable’. Everybody does, that’s part of being human, especially in this messed up society. But those feelings are shallow and fleeting for me. I have immensely more important things to think about and worry about.*
I am not ashamed, nor have I ever been, of my body. I’m not perfect and I never wanted to be or aspired to be.
However, I do expect my body to reflect what I put into it, good or bad. This is what led me to spiral down a path of frustration and a bit of burnout/depression.
This is what happened to me: I developed hypothyroidism and one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism is a slowed metabolism which makes it tons easier to gain weight and tons more difficult to lose weight. I was on medication but it wasn’t helping the symptoms. So I gained and gained and gained weight.
I was eating healthy and exercising a lot. I should have been losing weight, but I wasn’t.
I shouldn’t have been that heavy. This is what was making me unhappy. I was eating healthy and exercising healthy. My body should have reflected what I was putting into it, but it was reflecting the opposite.
Imagine looking into your mirror and seeing someone else instead of you. This would be quite disquieting, wouldn’t it? This was me, I looked in the mirror and I didn’t see me. I didn’t see the real me, the me I was working for.
I have nothing against big bodies. If the body you have is fine with you, then be you! But if your body doesn’t reflect the you you know you are and want to be, then change it!
The body I had was not the body I am and want to be. I looked at that body and I knew I wasn’t healthy, I knew it was an illness causing that weight-gain and not my lifestyle. That’s what made me unhappy….not the actual chub but why it was there.
Another reason I wasn’t happy was the overwhelming knowledge that I had no control over my own body. Can you imagine how it feels to have your body running out of your own control? Again, disquieting to say the least.
I am a control freak, I admit it, so when I got tired of not having control over my own body I took action. I did my homework, I advocated for my own health, and I took back control.
So there you have it. The record is straight. Fat is not my concern, my health is. What people think of me is not my concern. My body reflecting who I am, the real me, reflecting my efforts, this is my main concern. Because this is how I know I’m healthy and everything is working right.