It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. Since I started working again I just don’t have much free time or energy. It seems my writing bug has died… or at least is very ill. Hopefully the little guy will come around again soon and get back to bugging me to write more.
Work is good, I enjoy it and my anxiety over learning and getting used to a new job has lessened quite a bit. My agoraphobia is still here, of course, but I think being in a routine has made it more manageable. I know when I need to leave the house, how long I’ll be gone, where I’ll be, what I’ll be doing, and who I’ll be around. Consistency and familiarity help. It’s still there, making life harder, though. But I’m dealing pretty well.
My type 1 diabetes management has gotten a bit better, although my BG’s are still too high too often. I still don’t know why they were so high, but my best suspicion is still stress. They went through the roof when I started working and wouldn’t come down. I adjusted both my basal and bolus ratios and that only helped a bit. It wasn’t until I realized I wasn’t feeling so anxious all the time that I also realized my BG’s had come down significantly as well. They are still too high, in the 200’s most of the time now instead of in the 300’s, but now I’m actually running low at part of the day, and then high the rest. I’m sure now it just comes down to me adjusting ratios again and fixing my diet (I eat too many carbs in the evening).
I haven’t seen my endo in around 8 months, I think. Starting my new job I made the decision to not take any time off at all until I’d been there six months. So just after the new year I’ll be seeing my endo, primary, cardiologist, and retinopathy specialist to get all caught up and back on track. I’m glad my endo is so kind and understanding. She’ll definitely give me a talk about it all, but it won’t be a lecture or mean or anything. She understands fully how life is and how much more screwed up it is having to deal with diabetes on top of it all. I like her so much because her main concern is living real life while controlling diabetes as opposed to just controlling diabetes and not taking real life into consideration. Help us be healthy and living normal life, not diabetics struggling to be healthy while stumbling through life. I definitely feel like the later there often, but that has nothing to do with my endo, LOL.
In any case, nothing is perfect, but I’m doing real well. I feel very good emotionally and psychologically lately and I think that is because of working and feeling like I’m doing something worth a damn. Not that I wasn’t before, it’s just a sad fact of society, if you don’t bring in a pay check you must not be doing anything. I don’t believe that at all, but that’s how we are made to feel. Also having to get out into the world, even though with agoraphobia it causes anxiety, I do feel more alive and vibrant than when I was locked in the house all the time. Sunlight works wonders. Whoda thunk? LOL.
Another big help in my emotional and psychological state is being a member of GISH. This wonderful game is designed to bring you out of your shell, build confidence and bravery, etc., and bring people together (all for good causes, too!). It encourages weirdness, creativity, and being yourself. Through the GISH challenges you tend to begin to blossom. I’ve felt more emotionally energetic, happy, optimistic, and just plain better about myself and life. And this comes from just doing three GISH challenges so far!
Consider joining the hunt: GISH